Rewards
- I have two beautiful, healthy children and an amazing, supportive husband. I feel so blessed and I am very appreciative of all that God has given our family.
- We have a strong network of supportive family members and friends, upon whom I rely for help and guidance and from whom I seek advice. Again, we are blessed.
- I love watching Lainey and Walker interact with each other.
- I love seeing the world through their eyes and sharing new experiences with them. Their innocence is so pure and real. It melts my heart.
- Pretending and playing with Lainey is so fun. I love it! I love watching her pretend because it's just hilarious. Just last night she insisted on taking three of her glassies with us on our walk. She got down on the ground and bounced the three dogs along, making them "walk" with us. They were even barking! Thankfully she didn't allow them to walk the whole time; otherwise, our walk would have taken several hours.
- I love the way that Walker stops what he's doing to smile and talk to us. Sweet, sweet boy.
- My kids allow me to be a kid again, and that's just fun.
- I've enjoyed watching Lainey develop a very creative side to her personality. She inspires me to think and play a little more creatively!
- My kids are my world, and I love them more than I could ever explain to anyone. What's amazing is that my love for them grows each day. I thank God that He gave us the ability to love and to share that love with others. What a precious, beautiful gift.
- Their smiles are sweet and perfect and contagious.
- I still get excited about sleeping on my stomach when I get into bed at night. While this doesn't have to do with raising two kids, it does reveal my need for simple (and consistent) pleasures at this point in my life!
- Lainey is loving and sweet to her brother, always trying to calm him down if he's fussy by saying, "Okay, honey." I hope that they become good friends.
- Having two kids is fun. I get excited when I think about the future and our time together as a family.
- We spend a lot of time at home because I find that if I try to cram too many activities into one day, then we all pay for it one way or another. Walker will cry uncontrollably and Lainey will melt down and I just want to go ahead and crawl under my bed until it all stops. BUT, the good news is that I do like being at home (most of the time) and I like spending quality time with both kids while we are here. We play and Lainey helps me with Walker and we eat our meals together and try to just enjoy each other's company. I know that my kids will not be little forever, and that makes me sad (but sometimes relieved). I am trying to cherish and enjoy my time with them. And I do.
- I laugh a lot. I laugh at Lainey (and with her, too) because she's funny and cute and I laugh with Ben when I tell him the funny things she did that day.
- I am grateful for the art of redirecting and distracting. I am grateful for the "pick your battles" method of parenting. I am also a fan of the Love and Logic philosophy and the option that I have to give my children choices. I think I employ all of these practices on a daily basis with Lainey.
- I love naptime, and I really love naptime when I can get both kids to sleep at the same time so that I can take a good nap!
Challenges
- Mornings and evenings are tough. Meeting the kids' needs (and my own) can be challenging, particularly when Ben is not at home. Thankfully, he makes a huge effort to be here each night to help, and for that I am grateful!
- Poor Walker doesn't get an adequate amount of sleep during the day, I'm afraid. He does on some days, but others, he does not. I feel bad about that because this little guy needs his sleep! He can get very overstimulated and overtired, and if that happens, then it's quite tough to calm him down.
- It's hard when they both are crying at the same time. I kinda want to pull my hair out.
- Sometimes I get "blogged out." I try to keep this blog as updated as possible, but sometimes the thought of taking pictures and organizing them and posting them and writing about them exhausts me. But them I get on the blogging bandwagon and make several good posts, one after the other!
- On some days, I may let Lainey watch too much TV. A show here and there allows me to make dinner, fold laundry (without her help), clean the kitchen, or tend to Walker. I feel guilty about this. I wish I didn't have to rely on TV the way that I do!
- I'm having a hard time losing this baby weight. The pounds came off pretty quickly after I had Lainey, but this time it's taking awhile. And I even gained less weight with my second pregnancy! It's frustrating and I want all of my clothes to fit again. However...I do know that it's worth it. I have two cuties and although the pregnancies have taken a toll on my body, I wouldn't change a thing.
- I'm often tired.
- I find myself looking forward to certain "escapes": exercising, reading, watching TV, and the quiet and that surrounds us after the kids are in bed for the night.
- I struggle with feelings of guilt. I feel like I'm not doing enough with Lainey because I'm tending to the baby and I feel like Walker doesn't get the time and attention that he needs because I'm tending to the two-year-old. I feel like the little one is just "along for the ride" most of the time, being carted from one place to the next, constantly readjusting himself to new environments and experiences. I feel like I don't give enough time to my husband or allow enough time for myself.
- Being out of control is hard for me. And, as you know, being out of control is part of being a mom. I am not perfect, and my kids don't behave perfectly, and my house is not always in perfect condition, and my cooking is far from perfect. The only person expecting me to be perfect is me. I am learning to let go of things for my own sanity and for the sake of my family. I am not quite as organized as I used to be and I don't always get things done in a timely manner and I don't always get a shower in the mornings. But, I do realize that this is just the way it's going to be for a while. And I'm learning to be okay with that.
- I worry a lot. All the time, about all different things, and my imagination can go completely wild. I constantly struggle with this, and I always have.
- Lainey is 2 years old. She is a typical two-year-old, complete with crying tantrums and a new favorite word - MINE. Sometimes, I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, though. Occasionally she does seem to understand that she can't always get her way and that yes, she has to share and take turns and no, she can't grab toys from other kids.
- Walker can be super fussy at night - right around Lainey's bath time and bedtime. And that's really hard. He's sleeping pretty well, but we're still swaddling him in his Miracle Blanket. I know what happens when we stop swaddling, however, and I'm not ready for that yet!
This list just scrapes the surface of my emotional bank of feelings. There are certainly days that are wonderful and fulfilling, and then there are other days that are emotionally and physically exhausting. I have learned that if I just take each day as it comes, then I do okay. And, with each day, I take each moment as it comes. I have learned that if I think too much about the future or commit to doing too many things, I get overwhelmed. Managing my time wisely is key for me; I try not to waste too much of it. Each night, after the kids go to bed, I reflect on the day. I generally consider it a good day if everyone's needs were met and no one completely melted down (including me) and if we all shared a good laugh or two. Of course, there are always things that I could have done better with each day, but there have to be some things that I could have done worse, right? :) I am incredibly grateful for our life. I thank God for my husband, my children, and our families and friends. We are truly blessed and I am humbled to experience such joy.
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